Today, April 4th, would have been my little brothers birthday

Had not someone decided to take his life when he was 17.

Max, was a beautful boy, 6'4" tall, not fully grown yet. Brown hair, brown eyes, beautiful softened features. Very kind, very very loving. Perfect.

Our Mother died when he was 12. I was 23.

He was my half brother. His father left him, then. Eventually he came to live with me, my husband and young family.

It has been many years now, but I find in trying to write this that I still have not come to terms with his death, and I cannot bear to think of him, because it breaks my heart. Literally my heart is so overcome when I think of him, I can't bear it. After all these years, it is no different.

He died in October, towards the end of October that fateful year so long ago.

Two months later, my older brother, Danny, took his own life. It was more than he could bear, along with a marriage failing and other losses.

I couldn't believe this happened to us, it was something to read about in the paper, not to happen to a family like "ours." Right?

More death followed. I stop here, I can't speak of anymore. The unspeakable.

I am already wanting to back out of this post. I do try to keep this blog lighter than what life has been. I try.

Maybe I just have to post this today. Maybe I can manage to take this step, but I can go no further.

You will have to forgive me for hiding. Some pain, never dies, and can't be told.

I celebrate you anyway Max, I always do. Your life, I hope was the last you had to live, and I hope you are free and complete
in loves arms, divine bliss. This is my birthday wish for your.