Cloudhidden

January 12, 2005

One size Doesn't Fit All!

Signals make life easier...

How far would you get going to work everyday, or for one day, if you didn’t stop at red lights, stopped at green ones, never slowed for a yield sign, or for that matter, went to work when you wanted to rather than when the the appointed was, and revealed by,,,the clock you watch?

How many wool sweaters would be too small, and have very long skinny sleeves if you didn’t read the tag, and do what it says.
Machine wash cold, lay flat to dry. Or this one, dry clean only, or wash in cold water, do not dry.

When you have tyour lawn seeded and your lawn turns brown, you run to the store to see what is wrong with it, to save that yard! We take care for what we care about, learn it, grow it, read it mind it.

But when it comes to relationships ever notice how people push someone’s buttons that make them react in a way that is undesirable?

Why is that I wonder?
Can anyone please tell me that?

I don’t know about you folks, but here with me, one size doesn’t fit all. I have my needs, and my rules and my rathers, and rathers not. Don’t fence me in to someone else’s size, please! Be cool, love me, learn me, love me, and learn me again.

January 09, 2005

Two books to get....

The Disapperance of the Universe ......... Gary Renard, Refers to a Course in Miracles Abe books around 14.00 and up, new.

I AM ........... Jean Klein ( out of print) Available from The Jean Klein Foundation for 12.95. Also there are tapes, videos, and other books by Klein that would be of interest.

January 06, 2005

Only 95% Weird Today

Today I dressed up in a real skirt and blouse with jacket, wrapped myself in my new big warm turquoise coat, almost looked like a big blanket wrapped round me, ( stylish, huh?) and headed for an interview. Between here and my destination, there were icy snowflakes falling, and it was very cold, has been for a few nights. I can only imagine that this weekend it will be might chilly, and maybe frozen round these parts.

It was fun being out and around, and I always enjoy a good interview, it is just nice to be with people, and I think interviewing is fun. This interview was with a down to earth man, he was not pretentious, didn’t ask a lot of those juvenile and ridiculous questions often asked in interviews, ones that there is only one real answer to, like,” is this what you wanted to be when you were growing up? To which one in all honesty can only reply, “well, is this what you wanted to be while growing up.” But then you make them realize they are asking foolish questions, but what can one say, “ Yes, I always wanted to be a Burger queen.” Or, “ Yes, I wanted more than anything all my life to sit in front of a computer typing, it is just a slice of heaven, I am dying to experience.”

Or what about this one, “ Tell me your weak points. To which you are obviously supposed to make sound like a weak point, but it really emphasizes your strength. Really! Who ever was stupid enough to make these up, didn’t deserve to have any position of any kind of authority, because they obviously lack an element necessary to think, ..a brain!

Or what about, “ Tell me a long term goal and a short term goal. ( Obviously they aren't paying attention, because the goal is obvious, it is to get a job, and money, to eat and survive, or better a lot of money to be wasteful and decadent.

Have you heard this one, “with all the interesting things you have done with your life, why would you want to do something as boring as this? ( Maybe the same reason you do it?)

There is no end to the stupid questions stupid people ask you at an interview, is there, I mean , what can you expect from stupidity, except stupidity?

A novel approach might be to get to know the person, maybe talk about, heaven forbid, their personal life! Who they really are, what they love, what they need, what kind of ideas they have, what they like doing, what they loved doing as a kid, what motivates them, the kinds of things that will actually tell an employer where to put someone, or how to use their talents. Too practical I guess? Must be similiar to most psycho therapist who are afraid to speak about their own lives, to their clients, or remove that separateness, and let real love and compassion through. Heaven must forbid this love, but you know some really successful therapists have actually gone out on a limb and done this. Shock me!

It happens to be a weird world, but today, my life was only 95% weird, because I had a completely real interview!

January 05, 2005

A cozy connection with a far away friend

It’s been a while since I snuggled up by the fire with a half bottle of my favorite vino, Muscato Di Asti, a rare lightly sweet, clean dessert wine, along with my unused mintues on Verizon to catch up with one of my very best friends, Kathy.

Kathy and I go way way back, back about 30 years, I guess, at least. We met at Olives, where I was hired to make bows for Crissmiss, and was making centerpieces, wreaths, decorating trees, selling ornaments, plants, working the gift shop and eventually was also running the greenhouse, and keeping the books, selling trees, shrubs, and so forth. All I didn’t do was the pet shop. Kathy, and Peggy ( rest her soul) both worked in the pet shop, Peggy almost exclusively, and Kathy did all kinds of other jobs like I did.

We had some great times together back in those days, and after we both divorced, Kathy became like a sister to me, How many friends would fly out to where you have moved, and drive with you and your child in a 27 ft U-haul, with transported car on the back to move again, and offer you living with them in a tiny apartment because you were really just lost and ungrounded, alone, adrift without a family to help you feel rooted in something, belonging to some one group, again?

Kathy and I had our differences at one time, I think that is what makes a real relationship, tried and true. I always knew we had a bond, and bonds like that never break, they might be tested, but not broken.

When Kathy and I chat for a few to three hours, catching up, as I sit back in my siesta chair feet up, and sipping my favorite wine, it is almost as good as a real visit. We go through all the drama’s, and the tragedies, and then always end up telling stories about friends, men, etc that are just too funny. We share news about movies, books, and travels. We catch up with the goings on of each others lives, and it is truly a reunion that leaves me feeling happy, connected and satisfied. Maybe Saturday I will ring her up, and she’ll be in that place of needing a visit too, although of late we talk while she is traveling, from Alabama to visit her family in Texas.

Kathy lost her Mother this last year just before Christmas. She made many trips back to see her in hospitals, and at home, and now she visits her Dad. Kathy has two sons that take very good care of her, calling and visiting. Dan is the younger, and Matt, my Godson, the oldest. I have always appreciated the boys involvement in her life, the way they won’t leave her alone holidays, and how they travel to places with her. They talk often on the phone.

Talking to Kathy while she travels is nice too, Those long stretches can be so lonely, I know, as one who has traveled across country alone. It makes me feel an important part of her travels, and I am needed, and I hope it makes her feel that she is cared for.

It’s time soon for another long talk, catching up, reminiscing, laughing, crying, all those things you do with girlfriends that make that friendship rich and rewarding, and that keeps you tied to places, time and people that are no longer visibly in your life.

In a marriage, ended, in anyway, it feels you are just a domino that fell of the end of the world, went suddenly from having a family you belong to, to being forgotten, shut off, a denial of reality, a hurtful experience, a death, that has no reason for being… after the time it takes to heal, learn, grow. But mine hasn’t changed much, still denial of connection. My friends, any friend isn’t like that, they love me, and I love them, and we support one another with loving calls, e-mails, and whatever visits we can create to strengthen our bonds, and the world in this wholeness ( love) that supports all of life.

January 04, 2005

My word!!!

( An Aside, artwork by Daisy...
...when the tough go shopping?)

I am a Mac User! I have worked with PC’s, a few years ago now, didn’t care for them at all. I was the one who had to get the computers up and running, fix problems, etc. Not to mention use the programs. So 3 years ago when I got a new computer, this G4, I didn’t get any msft. programs! None! I have been using Apple works for processing, and didn’t care what else there was, because I had experienced msft. Programs as being unfriendly, and not designed for creative people.

A dear friend gave me a copy of Word recently, and guess what? I love it! Microsoft is coming along. I like being able to mail a document directly from word to my apple mail program that I also love. I am grateful for this gift, and for the new challenges in learning that I have now… along with my new Adobe software for writing. I think I will just keep my word!

January 03, 2005

Warming up to create...

This is a Turkoman felted wool rug I won on E-bay. It is one of many Persian rugs I have collected in the past 3 years. Others include Gabbehs, Shiraz, Turkoman, Gashgai, Kilims, ( Afghan), Kurdish, & Mahal, Chobi, and more. I really love these rugs made by hand, can you imagine making rugs that require tying 100 to 130 knots per sq.inch, living in the desert as a nomad? What wonderfully creative and lively folks these are.

This Crissmiss I was really excited about sharing a few of my favorite things. I made satin printed pillowcases, with French seams, that opened in the back, and bought some down and feather mix pillows, too, for Daph and family. I made about 20 pillow cases, and I gave chamomile spray for pillows and lettuce soap for bathing,( my favorite soap in the world, it's clean, has a light scent), made by Roger and Gallet. I order it from Canada @feelbest.com, look under soap. (So far it is still cheaper than here even with shipping, but it appears that the Canadian dollar is gaining fast.) I am hoping every one loves these gifts as much as I do, and as much as my Reiki clients do.

Since my trip I have become more interested in my snow globes, and lanterns made with those great french burners. I was re- inspired when I noticed that an idea I had 8 years ago was being produced by a potter in the Methow Valley.
( That is met how?)
I moved my wheel into the kitchen tonight, the studio is not warming up very fast, and I figured I might be more apt to work in clay if I had my wheel in the house. We' ll see!

I have a lot of ideas for things to make, (felt rugs).Like the one from from E-bay (above) and am hoping to buy a sack of wool, maybe three bags full...

I have also been crocheting a bit. The past few years I have done some hats and I am trying to ref-configure the hat I wore back in the 70's that I pulled my hair through. It has been so long since I have crocheted.

Just seems that I have to be creating something all the time, if not, I make trouble. It works!

This is a shrine I made for Daisy this year, it was full of treasures I made, found, or treasures that were hers as a child. I loved having it here, and miss it a lot. I added Japanese paper on the wood at top, stained the rest of the wood and glued golden angels on the four top corners. Each floor has some theme, the middle one has a cat watching a mouse on his TV. His feet rest on a silver ,”ottoman/jewelry box.

I hope to make more of these shrines, they are really art with a presence.

I bought silk paper in Leavenworth yesterday, and I may make some lined with this paper, which is white and has small blue flake pattern. You will notice my photo is on the, "main," floor of Daisy's , "condo!" The floors have Mexican and Japanese dolls, stacking cats, rugs, toys, tiny books, jewelry boxes, jewelry, Daisy's art work, photos, paper art. The heart shaped box contains a stamp that has her initial, D, on it, and there is a candle for sealing letters on that floor as well. A hint to write?

(This early photo was incomplete, in that I added so much more stuff every day it was here, and the finishing touches on the exterior, too. Well, I finally had to mail it, or I wouldn't have been able to afford sending it.) It has everything you need to make a small home!

The Undressing...

The Undressing...

Today has been spent....

as all days, every year, when you have to put the ornaments away into their boxes where they live all year until Christmas comes again. It is the saddest day of the year, this day of the undressing of the trees.

Almost in tears when I dress the trees, revisiting all the ornaments that are reminders of years and people gone by, and making a celebration of the decorating and the reminiscing, I am happy.

Unlike the dressing, the undressing is impossible to reconcile with a positive note. While the same reminders are there of folks you love, and memories that may just crush your heart, putting them all away, is like saying goodbye again to those memories and people who mean so much and live, still, inside you. Crushed and broken memories spring to mind while remnants of thin glass shards of German or Russian ornaments found in the bottom of the boxes remind me, too, of people come and gone as well.

The missing ornaments have a voice, "where did you put me? Find me! Why was I over looked?"

"OH I am so sorry, I miss you, too , and I miss the memory of the one who gifted you to me, and I hope I still have you...somewhere!"

When I was married, my husband did something very special for me every year. He took down the tree, and put all the ornaments away, so I didn't have to ( or was it because I wouldn't? ) Oh well, I think he did it because it broke my heart to do so.

I recall now how we decorated the tree together." I," held the ornament out, and said, "here," and he took it from my hand and placed it where I said it should go on the tree.

I was soooo good at that!

It may have been the one of the most, "together," things we ever accomplished, and I remember it now, and sigh.
I still have some of the same boxes we used then that he brought home from work, that were sturdy electronics boxes, to secure the ornaments for storage.

This year, I broke almost all the German ornaments; squirrels, hearts, houses, Mary praying. I had three trees this year; my flocked oriental tree with those paper wheels and umbrellas, and pink gifted ornaments.

The second I had waited many years to do, with real red roses, and red and blue birds, a partridge, and live baby's breathe, even some dried hydrangeas from Kims house..and a few chrystal ornaments and a few new purple ones. We bought blue and white lights for this tree! such a delightful tree! Oh Deck The Halls! I am ready once again for Christmas!

Finally, there was the one that fell over! Let me tell you about that: This year I didn't use a stand, rather, I used this green florist Styrofoam looking material and stuffed the tree into a small 6" ceramic pot. Stunning! They looked so good this way, in small decorative pots, with swirls in relief. Late one night, the tree fell over and busted many of my ornaments, even some that were Grandma's. I will cry over these henceforth.

I still have the reindeers that were Grandma's, and one metal bell, they don't break, so are minimally safe. I have the angels from years ago, and a new one, too, and I have ribbons and garlands of ribbons; crystal icicles, and wooden painted Scandinavian ornaments that are fairly safe from destruction., and the pink ornaments from Charlotte that appeared like a miracle to finish off my oriental tree one year, ( the oriental tree is one of my favorite designs, I did it years ago for a Chinese restaurant that was a client of mine back then).

I Still have my origami cranes that Iichiro made and sent with each letter he wrote me, and one origami crane from Kim, and all my little paper umbrellas and fans that are cheap, but precious. And where is that pearled ornament from that Sylvia I worked with Christmas one year long ago? Sylvia, I may be missing your ornament, but I will always remember you, and your sweet gift!

My precious ornaments from Doris, too, who died this year in March, I just now packed away. I miss you so much Doris, you were as much a Mother as I ever had. I still think of you every day, and love you. Hopefully there will be a reunion someday, but who really knows, maybe all we ever really get is right here, right now, with whomever, in this flash of time.

I think maybe I will just bonsai a tree and leave it up all year to remind me of this bittersweet love and loss that I feel now; as haunting as it is, it may well keep a perspective that is worth carrying on my shoulder all year long with all my loves right here in my heart, everyday.

Some of the best of days.....

It appears to be a clear day, the sun's shining, and the water's blue. Looking cold… but no snow here. (Missing it already.)

There is something very cozy about snow, gives you every good reason to cuddle up by a fire, sip hot apple cider,..and just be lazy! Getting out, or not getting out, same same! No big deal if you just vegetate, like you are waiting for spring to come. But the snow calls you outdoors, better than anything else does. It has a way of perking you up, and making you bubble with enthusiasm.

Since being away in the snow, I am finding my Sound View, a little boring! It changes very little from season to season, day to day.

One good thing about being back is taking KIM, her gift I found for her in Chelan! It is no big deal gift, just a small one, but it will be meaningful to her. I saw all kinds of gifts I could have gotten for her while I was away, every time I turned around there was some cool item, card, or craft I knew she'd appreciate. It's the thought that counts KIM!

Not much in this world is as sweet as finding presents for friends you love and have a long going, tried and true relationship with. There is not much as special as an intelligent, warm, witty woman friend. Men, sorry, but in comparison, you just don't rate!

Kim and I go back to college," just the other day," in fact!
( you don't say?) Well, sometimes it seems like just the other day.
We met in Vinklarek's sculpting class, we were the last 2 to arrive that first day, and we were the only 2 that never showed for class. We did burn the midnight oil, tho, sculpting most nights, and enjoyed being there in the art dept., alone, having managed to con the guards to let us stay late, just locking the door behind us.

Kim and I spent most of our days working on something, art projects, or my papers. She was ahead of me in school, and she had a word processor. I studied at her home a lot, and we would stay up late nights with a bottle of wine, editing my papers, printing them out, and editing them more, until we had a ream of paper we could have wrapped the school with and my A turned to a B, as we got became very creative enhanced with wine.

Every semester at finals, we went to a bar to celebrate another semester under the old belt, and we danced with cowboys and gathered with others like us, and in the wee hours we'd go to Kim's to make a breakfast, and just fizzle out, almost disappearing into the night, an experience maybe you can relate to? Oh, those were the days, my friend! The days of cheap tuition, when you could have stayed in school forever, because they were, "some of the best of days."