The Undressing...

The Undressing...

Today has been spent....

as all days, every year, when you have to put the ornaments away into their boxes where they live all year until Christmas comes again. It is the saddest day of the year, this day of the undressing of the trees.

Almost in tears when I dress the trees, revisiting all the ornaments that are reminders of years and people gone by, and making a celebration of the decorating and the reminiscing, I am happy.

Unlike the dressing, the undressing is impossible to reconcile with a positive note. While the same reminders are there of folks you love, and memories that may just crush your heart, putting them all away, is like saying goodbye again to those memories and people who mean so much and live, still, inside you. Crushed and broken memories spring to mind while remnants of thin glass shards of German or Russian ornaments found in the bottom of the boxes remind me, too, of people come and gone as well.

The missing ornaments have a voice, "where did you put me? Find me! Why was I over looked?"

"OH I am so sorry, I miss you, too , and I miss the memory of the one who gifted you to me, and I hope I still have you...somewhere!"

When I was married, my husband did something very special for me every year. He took down the tree, and put all the ornaments away, so I didn't have to ( or was it because I wouldn't? ) Oh well, I think he did it because it broke my heart to do so.

I recall now how we decorated the tree together." I," held the ornament out, and said, "here," and he took it from my hand and placed it where I said it should go on the tree.

I was soooo good at that!

It may have been the one of the most, "together," things we ever accomplished, and I remember it now, and sigh.
I still have some of the same boxes we used then that he brought home from work, that were sturdy electronics boxes, to secure the ornaments for storage.

This year, I broke almost all the German ornaments; squirrels, hearts, houses, Mary praying. I had three trees this year; my flocked oriental tree with those paper wheels and umbrellas, and pink gifted ornaments.

The second I had waited many years to do, with real red roses, and red and blue birds, a partridge, and live baby's breathe, even some dried hydrangeas from Kims house..and a few chrystal ornaments and a few new purple ones. We bought blue and white lights for this tree! such a delightful tree! Oh Deck The Halls! I am ready once again for Christmas!

Finally, there was the one that fell over! Let me tell you about that: This year I didn't use a stand, rather, I used this green florist Styrofoam looking material and stuffed the tree into a small 6" ceramic pot. Stunning! They looked so good this way, in small decorative pots, with swirls in relief. Late one night, the tree fell over and busted many of my ornaments, even some that were Grandma's. I will cry over these henceforth.


I still have the reindeers that were Grandma's, and one metal bell, they don't break, so are minimally safe. I have the angels from years ago, and a new one, too, and I have ribbons and garlands of ribbons; crystal icicles, and wooden painted Scandinavian ornaments that are fairly safe from destruction., and the pink ornaments from Charlotte that appeared like a miracle to finish off my oriental tree one year, ( the oriental tree is one of my favorite designs, I did it years ago for a Chinese restaurant that was a client of mine back then).

I Still have my origami cranes that Iichiro made and sent with each letter he wrote me, and one origami crane from Kim, and all my little paper umbrellas and fans that are cheap, but precious. And where is that pearled ornament from that Sylvia I worked with Christmas one year long ago? Sylvia, I may be missing your ornament, but I will always remember you, and your sweet gift!

My precious ornaments from Doris, too, who died this year in March, I just now packed away. I miss you so much Doris, you were as much a Mother as I ever had. I still think of you every day, and love you. Hopefully there will be a reunion someday, but who really knows, maybe all we ever really get is right here, right now, with whomever, in this flash of time.

I think maybe I will just bonsai a tree and leave it up all year to remind me of this bittersweet love and loss that I feel now; as haunting as it is, it may well keep a perspective that is worth carrying on my shoulder all year long with all my loves right here in my heart, everyday.

Some of the best of days.....

It appears to be a clear day, the sun's shining, and the water's blue. Looking cold… but no snow here. (Missing it already.)

There is something very cozy about snow, gives you every good reason to cuddle up by a fire, sip hot apple cider,..and just be lazy! Getting out, or not getting out, same same! No big deal if you just vegetate, like you are waiting for spring to come. But the snow calls you outdoors, better than anything else does. It has a way of perking you up, and making you bubble with enthusiasm.

Since being away in the snow, I am finding my Sound View, a little boring! It changes very little from season to season, day to day.

One good thing about being back is taking KIM, her gift I found for her in Chelan! It is no big deal gift, just a small one, but it will be meaningful to her. I saw all kinds of gifts I could have gotten for her while I was away, every time I turned around there was some cool item, card, or craft I knew she'd appreciate. It's the thought that counts KIM!

Not much in this world is as sweet as finding presents for friends you love and have a long going, tried and true relationship with. There is not much as special as an intelligent, warm, witty woman friend. Men, sorry, but in comparison, you just don't rate!

Kim and I go back to college," just the other day," in fact!
( you don't say?) Well, sometimes it seems like just the other day.
We met in Vinklarek's sculpting class, we were the last 2 to arrive that first day, and we were the only 2 that never showed for class. We did burn the midnight oil, tho, sculpting most nights, and enjoyed being there in the art dept., alone, having managed to con the guards to let us stay late, just locking the door behind us.

Kim and I spent most of our days working on something, art projects, or my papers. She was ahead of me in school, and she had a word processor. I studied at her home a lot, and we would stay up late nights with a bottle of wine, editing my papers, printing them out, and editing them more, until we had a ream of paper we could have wrapped the school with and my A turned to a B, as we got became very creative enhanced with wine.

Every semester at finals, we went to a bar to celebrate another semester under the old belt, and we danced with cowboys and gathered with others like us, and in the wee hours we'd go to Kim's to make a breakfast, and just fizzle out, almost disappearing into the night, an experience maybe you can relate to? Oh, those were the days, my friend! The days of cheap tuition, when you could have stayed in school forever, because they were, "some of the best of days."

Maybe a baby bald eagle, not golden...? Anyone know?

Maybe a baby bald eagle, not golden...? Anyone know?
Originally uploaded by nimbostratusdweller.

Ok, someone said it was not capable of flying that way, so I thought it was taken that way, but I ...could..be wrong. It happened." once," before!

Go ahead......Have A Nice Day....

If you can relate to this, you are on the computer too much!



Hope your New Year gets much better!

Just stopping in to say, hi!, and tell you to check out the new photos I added to recent posts...

Winthrop Wonderland

Early morning, walking the boardwalk that lines the shops here in this, so far, sleepy Eastern WA town, country and western music twanging as I walk on by,""I'm gonna love you forever and ever, forever and ever...Amen!

"The snow is another 2" deeper today, deep enough to remind me of my roots in Pennsylvania as a child forming, growing, playing in the snow every day, sled riding, and loving every bit of nature there, before my move to the west part of Texas. These are scenarios brought to mind this morning, places I have either loved or served time in.

I always refer to Texas that way, a place I escaped from, was held captive in. It was never my choice to go there, and as it turned out, it wasn't a very colorful place to live. Culturally barren, the real culture was Mexican American, and this part always struck me as the most honest, most beautiful part of it all, close families, a colorful culture with spicy foods, not a bland ,"white one," where friendliness is restricted to a ,"howdy," on the sidewalk.





This part of Washington is more like Texas, in summer the landscape is barren, and hot, and as I recall from my few travels here, country and western music, bars, and boots are the norm, so different from where I live near the Sound, north of Seattle.

Today, tho, I am at least back into some of my element, going snowshoeing this morning, altho I would I admit prefer alpine
(downhill) skiing.

Well, enough of the internet cafe, I need some breakfast to fuel my day in nature, away from all that I find a strain, and entering into a wonderland of natures making.

Caught in A Snow Dome

Suspended, untouchable, isolated, and completely alive and whole... my world of beauty, uncovered...you see, as the snow settles, here, now.

Shake my world with your vision, snow flies, swirls, and I am lost but found in this wintry orchard of deformed trees standing in rows, barren except for this one tree where I now stand, reaching for a golden orb, red cheeked, and topped with a cap of puffy white snow.

I reach for the fruit that illuminates this place and time, transforming it into the simplist, and most inexplicable of all beauties, the contrast of bright gold, and winter solace, and me, here, like Eve at the beginning of time, tasting this fresh, crisp, cold white flesh, forbidden, and exquisite.

I am the creator, making my way, breaking my rules, living a life that is more than I can dream in one temptation. Child, woman, old lady, eternal being, sealed within this perfect moment, eating this stolen apple, left here for the birds, I presume, and for someone like me, stunned, and unrepentant, happy as I can ever be.

Washingtons Governors Race..

This race gives new and more involved meaning to the word,” race’, Usually defined as a contest between peole to see who can do something first, or between horses, who can do something fastest. One has to wonder if this race is more like the race between horses, seeing who can be fastest. As in,”he pulled a fast one!” Now we are wondering who is going to be the winner in pulling the biggest fastest one, first.

Topping the other is different than a race, so maybe we should change this name, “race” to another name, we could call it a Topper!

“Our Goverenor’s Topper was topped today by Gregiore, and in the next,”fast one,” who will manage to topple who in the topper?

At least it will make the news sound different, not hearing the same old words being used as if they are just about to be worn out permanently, and we’ll have a fresh new zing to the news, but who is watching anyway?

Vote for ascension...anyone?

Another night is done, and soon it will be another year gone by, difficult not to reflect upon the passing of time, and the meaning of time. Until 3 years ago, I still believed I would live forever! It’s true! And I crossed that line suddenly, to the sense of my own mortality. I have been in shock! It was too quick, this sudden realization, and I have to ask you, was it that way for you too?

Now I see what I never understood, that youth think they will never die, and so they live without any true thought of it. What an eye opener! Yet….

And I have to say, for someone as idealistic as I am, it is a sad, rude awakening, and I am apt to maybe just put that thought back if I can, out of mind, because I don’t care for it a bit.

Although it,” seems,” true that every one dies, well, maybe I am not still utterly convinced it will happen to me, after all, I am a different person from anyone else, always have been, and I always will be. Maybe I will be the first, like someone was first on the moon! It could happen!
(smirk)

If you read my writings, you might think I have no sense of humor, but you must realize that much of what is typed here, or even spoken, is tongue in cheek. But then some is dead serious, and even if you were talking to me face to face, you might not know, because I have that kind of subtle humor that usually goes over every head nearby. I don’t mind, because occasionally I meet someone with a really profound sense of humor, as well, and it is so exquisite to play round with someone with a subtle sharp wit.

Age, makes one feel old! Weight makes one feel out of shape, having no money makes one feel broke, and so I guess passing that magical number in age makes one consider their mortality, even me!

Now, seriously here, I don’t want to live forever, that sounds boring to me, but neither do I wish to make the trek to the grave, even if it is just a body going there.

I wasn’t involved in Christian Science for nothing all those years, and I don’t bring Guru’s to my home so that I can just be talked about by my neighbors! I am really interested in the truth of my being, and yours!

I somehow think that if I just can deny the obvious in that truth, that it will not over power me, and that we only actually die, because we believe we are going to! Isn’t everything in the believing? My Mother used to say, “Life is great if you don’t weaken!” I didn’t know what she meant until I weakened, then it was too late! She was a big help…., her and her sayings! She died, everyone died that I came from. Early on, so how is it that I can still believe there is a chance I will not follow the same pattern?

Well I want to be the one who doesn’t believe in death. I do, I want to believe I will be rising into a different level of vibration and just ascend, I want all of us to quit this dying business and just ascend. I have felt like I was ascending once when I was in love, so why can’t it happen? I think I will just take a vote, do I have yours?

Merry Crissmiss !

http://deepersilence.blogspot.com/

Merry Truth Celebration!

This is my first duty of the day, today, Christmas Day. Today is the day I write to my beloved…you!
If you are reading this, you have been and are, my beloved. You are a treasure that has enriched my life by your Supreme Be-ing. By actions that you cannot know how they have blest me, whether we are acquainted or not.

If you have breathed the air of this life, and exhaled, you have changed this world with your life, as every butterfly beating it’s wings, also changes the face of this in ways we cannot perceive.

If you have been invited here by me to share in my expressions, you are my beloved, some one I have shared a history with, whether small or large, you may be my family, or a friend, or an acquaintance, a new love via this web of life, but you are my beloved.

You have impacted my life with your humor; witt, creativity, your passions, your great cooking, your refreshing sense of humor, smile, or even your deep dark psychology, that may have bent my world a bit, skewed it, but you make up a multitude of experiences that the divine wants to experience, and so created …YOU!

Truth is bigger than we can imagine, it stares us in the face a thousand times every day. We deny it with our every sigh, our every wish to the contrary. Life is this big; as on the front page of the newspapers, it is in the obituaries, in the birth columns, in the personal ads, and in the marriage sections, as well as divorce sections. It is in the suicide, and the murder we read about, and the terrorism of the day.

This is life, the great truth, and we never appreciate much of this, it is even in the sports section, I say with the greatest of disdain.

Today, I will celebrate all as I celebrate you. I am grateful for you, what you have given to my life. Your faces run through my memory now; a man that called me from his travels due to work, a brilliant man, making me laugh until my face hurt, you know who you are…. a woman I was close to and still love from my early twenties who lives in Friendship, TX. I love you! I miss you! Every thought of you refreshes a smile like a new page fills my browser, but on my face and as I envision yours, and the sound of your voice, and the memory of your exuberance. It is as tho I click a mouse in my mind, and I see your many faces, one site to another…all this beauty overwhelms me.

You are all my family, my children, my parents, you are all my life. A first love, a short love, a fling, an ongoing drama so intense I can’t imagine why I am doing this. A stranger from a strange land, and faces that greet me from the beyond, so many of you there, I remember all of you with so much love. My heart is over filled with memories of you, and today I want to celebrate you.

My children, my sweet children, growing older with each passing and intangible year, as I cannot be with you, but I remember you everyday, and at night when I blow my candles out, your faces are there and I whisper my blessings to you. I send my complete love, and I know you are with me, and we cannot be less than one.

The sled ride from when I was 5, and all you who pulled sleds up that hill, you are with me today, I haven’t forgotten a single face, and I still love the snow as much as you..do.

So to all of you, new friends, old friends, departed ones, and my children, and Grandchildren, today, you may be far away geographically, but you are right here in my heart with me, right now, always have been, and always will be. I light my candles today to hold you in the great esteem of prayer, with watchful eyes of the all knowing, which WE ALL ARE.

Merry Crissmiss! 2004